I’ve made it through the first few posts. I’ve questioned my decision to start a blog, and have come to terms with this. I’ve questioned why it is I can’t get out of my depressive mindset, and have begun to understand what’s holding me back. I think I’ve given myself enough time to feel comfortable with this process. Now it’s time to decide where I would like to go with it. My current tagline is ‘One woman’s journey to take back her life’, which clearly implies that I should be moving forward toward something, specifically I should be on a journey to take control over the way I live my life. It sounds like a simple task, to try to be happy, but it feels like the most daunting endeavour that I’ve ever embarked on.
In the past year and a half I have read many books and articles, and have watched a great number of Ted Talks and Youtube videos with suggestions on how to be happy, how to beat depression, how to be mindful and how to live a great life. I can honestly say that every single word was helpful. Even when it was clear that a certain method was inapplicable to my life, this at least gave me some insight into who I am. Unfortunately, I often feel buried in ideas on how to live better and don’t know how to sift through them.
Meditation. Yoga. Mindfulness. Exercise. Talking to friends. Disentangling yourself from the people that are holding you back. Developing better relationships with positive people. Sleep. Waking up on time. Self-Esteem. Goals. Getting over the past. Routines. Flexibility. Accountability. Compassion. Vulnerability. Habits. Intentional actions. Visualization. Tenacity. Forgiving.
Not only am I overwhelmed by the feelings of self-doubt, negativity and depression, but I am also debilitated by the abundance of choices I am faced with that are supposed to make me feel better. This feeling of uncertainty can lead to the fear of making the wrong decision, or of attempting something and failing. This is one reason that so many people remain in a state of depression for far too long. It’s not that they don’t have any idea of how to get out. It’s that they have too many ideas on how to solve their problems and they are paralyzed with indecision.
It is a universal truth that what works for me might not work for someone else. So why is it that I have trouble accepting the opposite, what works for someone else might not help me. Often I get angry at myself, feeling that something should have helped because it has worked for others. I then wonder if I’m at fault, or if I did it wrong. I don’t like the taste of green tea, but I’ve been told it’s healthier for me than drinking black tea. I wouldn’t be hard on a friend if they told me they didn’t like green tea, so why be hard on myself? There are even some people out there who don’t like chocolate, and though the part of me that dreams about soft, warm chocolate chip cookies topped with a scoop of slowly melting vanilla ice-cream does believe these people must be crazy, I would never expect them to change.
When it comes to happiness, we all have different methods of finding it. Some people like to meditate. Some like to analyse their negative thoughts and rationally dispute them. Some people like to go running in order to get their body moving. Others like to take a long relaxing bath to recharge. When reading about what others have learned through research or through their own journey, it is important to remember that what they are offering might not be the ultimate solution to your every problem, although most do use similar wording in order to try to sell it. What they are really offering is an idea for you to try out and see if it works for you. If not, cross it off the list and move on to the next one. If the first method didn’t work, who cares! It might not work for you. It might not work at all for all you know. Just because something is written down in a book (or worse yet an unpublished blog) doesn’t make it true.